The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
