Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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