my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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