i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
