ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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