I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
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