what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
