The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
