Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
