Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
