That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
