She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
