Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
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until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
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I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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