Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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