Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
