I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
