i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
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Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
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There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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