Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
