So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
