Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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