I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
