Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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