4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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