All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
