so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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