I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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