I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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