So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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