ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
