i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
