We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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