I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
