youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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