i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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