I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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