I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
