my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
