Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
