I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
