Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
