it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
