STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
