i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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