I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Where did you get a picture of my penis
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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