Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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