turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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