I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
