Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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