She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
