Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
