Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
