My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
