My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
