Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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