The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
