Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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