im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i wish my penis had a tongue
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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