ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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